Done with Chemo

 Good morning friends. I have been so looking forward to being able to write this post. As of this coming Wednesday, July 19th, I will be DONE WITH CHEMOTHERAPY. 

I have been praying for July 19th to hurry up and get here for months, and we are finally (almost) there.

Fair warning, this post will not be all sunshine and rainbows. I am going to be honest about how brutal this has been on my body and if you are a survivor and this may be triggering to you to read, you may want to stop now. My reason for wanting to be so honest is twofold: 

- I would hate for someone else going through chemo to come across this post and think "oh she handled it so well, what's wrong with me?" I want to be honest and give a realistic look at how hard this has been.

-  I plan to write posts in the future on how my recovery is going, and in order to truly show how I'm recovering, I need to be honest about where I'm starting. 

Mentally/Emotionally/Spiritually

- I am very grateful to be able to honestly say that overall, I have been in a good place mentally/emotionally/spiritually throughout my cancer and chemotherapy. I have my bad days of course, but overall, I am still very positive. 

- I am happy to say that my faith has never been stronger. I do not understand why cancer was in the Lord's plan for my life, but I have faith that God knows what He's doing and that He has plans to prosper me and not harm me. Somehow, this will end up being a good thing, even though I may not understand. I like to think of the story of Joseph in the Old Testament. Joseph did not want to be in prison for a crime he didn't commit, but the Lord was using that time of difficulty to set Joseph up for future success. I keep reminding myself that God loves us, and maybe this was God's way of setting me up for future success somehow too. 

Physically

- Ya'll, I won't sugarcoat it. I've been put through the wringer and am hanging on by a thread physically. I texted some girlfriends the other day and said "I do not know how older people do this" and a sweet friend was quick to remind me "they don't have young kids at home. There are days where I'm exhausted and I DON'T have cancer." I'm grateful to her for putting it into perspective a little. Raising energetic young kids is hard. Cancer is hard. Both at the same time? VERY hard.

- I have lost a significant amount of weight. Remember the nutritionist I met with back in the beginning? She recommended the Mediterranean diet but was also quick to say "there will be days where you feel like you can't eat anything at all. Just eat SOMETHING. I don't care if it's a milkshake, just eat something."  I get it. My stomach is destroyed and more often than not I have to force myself to eat just anything at all. 

- Tramadol is a miracle drug. The pain/muscle soreness started getting really bad and my oncologist prescribed Tramadol. I am grateful for a pain medication that is effective but I don't have to worry about how highly addictive it is compared to other painkillers. I'm thankful to live in 2023 where there are good medicinal options available.

- I used to run marathons and half marathons and there are days where I can't even walk 3 doors down my street. On good days I can walk a whole mile, but unfortunately, those days are few and far between right now. My running days are temporarily over. All that to say, I am VERY MUCH looking forward to the day when I can run again. I have missed working out so so much. 

Overall

- I am so incredibly grateful to be alive. Pre-cancer, I used to live life on autopilot. I would just wake up and start going about my day without taking the time to be grateful for everything I had; especially my health. The days of autopilot are over. I can honestly say not a single day has gone by where I don't wake up and my first prayer is "thank you God that I'm still here."

- I am grateful that I will be able to watch my children grow up and will get to be a part of so many important milestones. I know these next several months of recovery aren't going to be easy, but I think it will help to know that every single day I am getting stronger, and will no longer have my body poisoned every other week. 

Several months ago I made a list of the things I can't wait to be able to do again. They are:

- have energy consistently (and be able to keep up with the kids consistently)

-  be able to run

- be able to do yoga

- travel to cool places (and have the energy to enjoy them)

-  work

- HAVE HAIR, EYELASHES AND EYEBROWS

The time will come when I can do all these things again, and I truly hope I appreciate them. I also hope I appreciate my body for the incredible things it has shown me it can withstand. 

Thank you for your encouraging words, your prayers, and EVERYTHING you have done for me these past 6 months. It means the world to me!! We made it to the end of this hell. As of Thursday, July 20th, I start "Day 1 of the Rest of My Life".

I. Can't. Freaking. Wait.